Some people find setting boundaries so uncomfortable that they give up and decide it’s easier just to do everything themselves. But learning how to say “no” is important for establishing a well-balanced life. Here are some ideas for setting boundaries, while keeping your relationships healthy.

1. Identify crossed boundaries. If you grew up in a household where boundaries were regularly crossed, it can be hard to identify the problem. Listen to your gut. Is a request making you uncomfortable? Does it produce feelings of resentment, anger, or guilt? Do you feel like you’re being taken advantage of? Does your relationship with someone feel unbalanced, like you are always the one giving?
2. Be specific. Instead of saying, “I’m so swamped at work. I’ll get back to you later,” say, “I’d love to chat, but I’m swamped today. I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon once I’m caught up on work.”
3. Frame your responses in a positive light. Instead of saying, “I can’t get anything done with you bugging me,” take a gentler approach: “I’d love to hear more at the end of the day when I’m done working.”
4. Think about it. If someone makes an unexpected request, you might agree because you are caught off guard. Get used to saying, “Let me think about that.” It’s friendly and buys you time, so you can come back with a thoughtful response.
5. Don’t let emotions overwhelm you. If you feel like someone is crossing your boundaries, your negative emotions may show in your tone and body language when you interact with that person. Try to remove any hostility from your voice—strive to sound calm and confident. The other person is more likely to respond positively if you express your needs in a rational and respectful way.
6. Examine your past. If you think about reactions you had to boundaries growing up, it can provide clues as to how to address boundaries today. You might realize, for instance, that you equate saying no with a fear of losing someone’s love or acceptance. A therapist could help in this area.

There is no straightforward path to setting boundaries; it’s not easy, and it requires practice, nuance, and mental fortitude. But by learning to set boundaries, you will feel a greater sense of dignity and self-respect. You won’t exhaust your mental and physical energy, and you will do things you’ve chosen to do instead of feeling that those things were imposed on you.

For more advice, read “Setting Healthy Boundaries: 3 Simple Steps to Establishing Boundaries that Stick.”